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by Helen Grace Lescheid
Kimberly was our free spirit. She’d do cartwheels on the front lawn - in the nude - then hide behind a bush when she heard a car approaching. She bubbled with life and fun and laughter. She played high school basketball, was active in her church youth group and worked hard at her studies in the accelerated academic program.
I figured she was a happy well-adjusted teenager, perhaps a bit too serious about changing the world, but then it didn’t hurt to have a worthy goal, I figured. Besides, she seemed to be enjoying life. Upon graduation from high school, she received a scholarship and at age seventeen went on to university. Of our five children, Kimberly, the middle one, demanded the least of my attention and worries.
In Search of Herself
And then she became a young adult. She quit university and wandered across the world in search of herself. She went to work with Youth With A Mission in Europe and Africa. She studied Mandarin in China; she taught school in Swaziland; she hitchhiked across South Africa. Many times I didn’t know where she was or what she was doing or if she was still alive.
At home in Canada, she went from job to job and province to province working in kitchens, recycling plants and other short-term jobs. She drove an old jalopy, which became her home. For a time she cut herself off from her family entirely.
How I blamed myself for Kimberley’s insecurity! I felt I had neglected her. I should have spent more time with her. I should have paid more attention to what she was saying. I should have seen it coming. You know how we mothers beat ourselves up with I should have's!
God's Comfort
During those ten difficult years, the only thing that provided some comfort for me was prayer and God’s word. Repeatedly I would take Kimberly to God:
"Dear Lord, You know where my daughter is right now for you watch over her coming and her going," I’d pray. "You know what she is doing for You never slumber or sleep. Place Your hand upon her now and keep her from all harm." Again I’d pray: "Lord Jesus, You are the good Shepherd and take good care of Your sheep. Go in search of Kimberly now and bring her home safely."
One day when my failures loomed large, I grabbed my Bible and began reading in 1 John 3. The following words seemed to be lit up with neon lights:
"But you know that he (Christ) appeared so that he might take away our sins" (verse 5).
Through those words God was saying to me,
"Yes, you are guilty of imperfect mothering, but never mind, for this reason Jesus came into the world - to die for your sin. You are forgiven. Now you must forgive yourself and trust me to use even your mistakes in your daughter’s life."
Letting Go of Expectations
Gradually I began to see that I was not responsible for my daughter’s unhappiness. That I needed to let go of my expectations of her and of myself. At this difficult time a friend gave me a poem which helped me understand the letting go process:
To "let go" does not mean to stop caring; it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To "let go" is not to be protective; it’s to permit another to face reality.
To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.
To "let go" is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.
To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To "let go" is to fear less and to love more.
- Author Unknown
Letting Go is Difficult
I discovered that, when you love someone deeply, letting go is incredibly hard. Repeatedly I’ve reminded myself that by releasing my grasp, I’m allowing God to have full control, that He loves my daughter more than I do, that prayer is the most precious and enduring link between us. To let go is to fear less and to love more.
After ten tumultuous years, Kimberly went back to university and completed her masters in biology. Because of all her travels she’s fluent in several languages. She’s happily married and wonderfully connected with her family once more. Kimberley and her husband have a passion for working with young people, helping them find purpose and meaning in life. Because of their life experiences, they are very well suited to the job.
God has done so much more than I could have imagined. And it happened because I got out of the way and let Him do it.
Have you discovered the Spirit filled life? He gives the courage and power to do the hard things. Click here to learn more about being filled with the Holy Spirit.
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Need advice? Ask us.
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Helen Grace Lescheid, author of numerous articles and two books published worldwide: Lead, Kindly Light and Treasure in the Darkness. She resides in Abbotsford, British Columbia, is a retired nurse, mother of five children and grandmother of three.