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Serving Together: A Life of Pastoring

Today I can look back on 45 years of full-time Christian ministry, where we have scaled amazing heights we would have never dared to dream about. We have also plunged to depths of sorrow, betrayal and loss that we didn't know was possible. We have had dreams realized and dreams shattered. We have pastored large churches and small ones. We have often cried out to God, "Why me?" when the blessings were flowing and we have also cried out to our God, "Why me, why now?" when we felt He had abandoned us and was silent to our prayers. My story is one of God's presence in our joys and in our pains. Let me share with you some of the things I have learned in my journey as a pastor's wife.

The Joys of Ministry

• Being co-laborers - The theme for our wedding was "United to Serve." One of my greatest joys in life has been to labor side by side in ministry with my husband and to know that we're on the same team. It has been my heart's desire to help and support him, firstly through my life. People see more than they hear. They have greater needs of models than of teachers. I also support him through prayer, encouragement, confrontation, respect and unconditional love.
  
  
• The opportunity to model - To be at the front of the pack and be able to say, "Follow me as I follow the Lord" (1 Corinthians11:1) forces me to grow and keeps my own heart fresh with God.
  
  
• Singleness of purpose - In Philippians 3:13 Paul said, "This one thing I do..." He knew what was important in life. He was able to put the past behind him and made his life's goal to know and to serve Christ. I've experienced the joy of: knowing why I am here, and what I am to do. I have had a settled sense that I am being obedient to the call of God for my life.
  
  
• Seeing long-term fruit - One of the greatest joys of my life has been to see spiritual fruit. Knowing that our labor has made a difference in this life and throughout all eternity has made the trials worth it all.
  
  
• Raising pastor's kids - I have no greater joy than to see all four of our children, together with their spouses, loving and serving the Lord. I think our kids are richer and wiser because of their exposure to the ministry. I also take joy in our spiritual children as we see them walking in faith and growing in their committment to Christ.

The Struggles of Ministry

• Fruitlessness - I have often given so much to a person or a group of people only to see little or no response at times. My husband and I had to constantly remind ourselves that it was up to us to be faithful and up to God to bring fruit (1 Corinthians 3:6).
  
  
• Unrealistic expectations - Every church is different and every person in the church has different expectations of the pastor and his wife and family. We knew that no matter how we tried, we couldn't meet everyone's expectations as each person was different. We could only be true to the call that God had placed on our lives. We constantly had to remind ourselves to play to an audience of One, namely God Himself.
  
  
• Loneliness - Leadership spells loneliness. Statistics show that loneliness is the greatest ache in the heart of the pastor's wife.
  
  
• Betrayal - Seeing the man I love and respect being falsely accused and betrayed has been profoundly painful. This betrayal often comes from the most unexpected sources; over the most unexpected issues. The inability to reconcile has left life-long scars. Many leaders have been betrayed. David had his Absalom. Paul had his Demas. Jesus was betrayed by Judas. I have always said I want to follow Jesus all the way, but I did not have betrayal and false accusations in my mind. I have claimed Philippians 3:10 as a life verse: "That I may know Him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his suffering". I have clung to the fact that God is still sovereign and faithful.

Being a pastor's wife is a high calling and a great joy; a great responsibility and a great blessing. It is a rare gift from God. There are many demands, but the joys far outweigh the pressures. If you are a pastor's wife, it is of utmost importance that you know who you are in Christ and be focused on pleasing Him first and foremost. Rick Warren has said, "I don't know all the keys to success, but I know one sure key to failure, and that is to try to please everybody."

God has taken our pain and loss and turned these ashes into something beautiful, remaining faithful to His character and His word.  I know today what it means to walk by faith more today than I have ever known. I know that apart from God, I can do nothing (John 15:5) and I wouldn't trade my callling as a pastor's wife for anything else.

Related Reading:
Hitting rock bottom
Discover the Spirit-Filled life
Need advice? Ask us.

~ Shirley Unrau, together with her husband Pete, founded and currently direct a ministry called OASIS RETREATS (Campus Crusade for Christ) for those who themselves are called to ministry. These five-day retreats offer hope and refreshment to those who are weary or wounded as a result of serving in ministry.