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Part 7 - God's Faithfulness III

Widow's Journal - Part 7

In my last two letters, I said that God has a ‘thousand’ ways to bring comfort and healing.

I’m finding that these ‘ways’ are not really ‘ways’ at all, rather they are God revealing Himself in a thousand different ways.

It’s almost as though He were courting me.

First He lavished me with gifts like some secret admirer.

My son-in-law received Christ the day of the funeral; donors gave extra money to help with the finances; so much love and prayer from family and friends far and near; my children who have been wonderful; my mom who loves me no matter what; the people in the church who’ve adopted me; and the staff at Campus Crusade who were amazing in the way they honoured John and who ‘see’ me every day.

Then He started introducing Himself in unexpected ways.

Ways I never knew Him through intellectual head knowledge or even Bible study.

I guess if I had to sum it up, it’s all about presence.

He is just so present!

How can I tell?

Well sometimes it takes me awhile to catch on.

I wrote this in an email on June 19.

Last Sunday was Father’s Day and during the service, quite unexpectedly, the tears began flowing, but by Monday I had gotten past it again.

I thought it was some more grieving. (My dad died 12 years ago, so I guessed I was missing John.)

Then mid-week I sent the prayer email based on Proverbs 15:8

“Lord, when (all who read this) realize how delighted you are to hear from them, may it encourage them to regularly just lift up their soul to You.”

and I added a P.S. about how my own father had always sounded so delighted to hear my voice on the phone, and how I always was filled with wonder that maybe that’s how God is delighted to hear from me.

As I wrote the word ‘father’ in that email on June 17, the emotions and the tears came again.

I could hardly get through praying for everyone. 

This morning (June 19) as I was driving to my grandson’s ‘graduation’ from kindergarten, I was joyfully singing in the car.

I sang “My Jesus I love thee….” And even the verse about “I will love thee in death…” did not set me off. I actually took note of that, and then I switched to “Father, I adore you..”, and immediately, I was weeping again.

The very word ‘Father’ gets me going.

Even as I write this, it’s happening again right now.

I wish I could understand or make sense of it.

Recently someone quoted Henri Nouen who supposedly said, ‘Too often we try to analyze with our head what only the heart understands’ (something like that anyway) so I guess I’ll just wait to see if God has something He is trying to communicate to me that I’m not getting.

Oh… my…! I think He just showed me.

I had stopped typing and, in desperation, asked Him what He wanted me to do, what He wanted me to know, and it seemed like He said He wanted me to climb up on His lap.

So I did.

He then reminded me how much I love it when my grandsons climb on my lap and how wonderful it is when they wrap their arms around me and squeeze as hard or as lovingly as they can.

It seemed to be an invitation, so I dared to wrap my arms around His neck and almost immediately the words that came to me were..."a husband to the widow, but also a Father to the fatherless"

………totally amazing!

Who knew that I still needed a ‘daddy’?

(END of the June 19 email.)

Since that experience the word ‘Father’ no longer produces weeping.

Read Part 8 of Ev's journal - God is still faithful

Related Reading:
Broken on the back row
Experience love and forgiveness
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