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Ev's husband passed away from cancer on Sunday, Novmber 24, 2002.  This is her journal. 

She prays that it can help other people who are going through the grieving process.
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A Widow's Journal - Part 2

Part 2 - A Song From God

I wrote this nearly seven weeks after John started his new life in heaven. Many had been asking me how I was doing.

Those of who know me well, probably know that I’m not a dramatic kind of person.

It takes quite a bit for me to get emotional. Excitement and exuberance are not my normal personality and neither are depression or grumpiness.

I don’t know what you thought you would do if you lost your mate.  I used to think I would wake up in the morning and realize with growing horror that he was gone.  I praise God that to this day that has never happened!

There has been no horror. In fact this morning I felt such intense joy that I burst into tears and had to tell God over and over how much I loved Him.

The Reason?
This morning, immediately as I awoke, I felt a song singing in my mind.

I started to sing along with it to see what the words were, and as I did I knew they were a message from God for me because I can’t remember the last time I either heard or sang it.

The song Jesus was singing with me (to me?) was the chorus to the hymn, “Jesus will walk with me.” 

As I sang out loud through my tears, I heard,

Jesus will walk with me,
He will talk with me,
He will walk with me.
In joy or in sorrow, today or tomorrow,
I know He will walk with me.

HE Will TALK With ME!
This morning He sang to me! He also wants me to talk WITH Him! Not just in prayer, but as one would with a companion. When some little or big thing happens and I think, ‘Oh I must tell John about this,’ Jesus wants me to tell HIM!

I think I’ve just learned a little of what the verse in Isaiah 54:5 means, when God says to the widow (and the forsaken wife -vs 6)

“...for your husband is your Maker.”

Who else but a husband would sing you love songs to wake you up and tell you He wants to be with you all day and be your companion?  I think to this day I have mostly loved God with my mind, and my will.  Today I experienced what it means to love God with my whole soul - my mind, my will, AND my emotions.
The next thing that was impressed on my heart was...

“People are praying for you, they need to know this. They need to know what I am doing for you in answer to their prayers.”

So before my more rational mind took over to say, ‘this is too personal, or people are busy, don’t bother them with another email,’ I sat down to tell you.

Later, when I was re-reading the cards people had sent in the days and weeks after the funeral I found one with a handwritten note in it that said,

Ev, the verse we have prayed for you these last few weeks has been Zephaniah 3:17

“The Lord your God is with you.  He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love. HE WILL REJOICE OVER YOU WITH SINGING.” 

God answers the prayers of His people.

Read Part 3 of Ev's journal - God's tears, John's tears

Related Reading:
Cancer without fear
Experience Holy Spirit living
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