Witty Words of Wisdom

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Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
Cooking lesson #1: don't fry bacon in the nude.
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
If you eat a live toad in the morning, you can just about be guaranteed nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Never buy a car you can't push.
Never eat yellow snow.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
You are what you eat. So stay away from the jerk chicken.
Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school - you'll be working for them in the future.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

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