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Great Truths We Have Learned

Great Truths That Little Children Have Learned

• No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
  
  
• When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
  
  
• When you sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
  
  
• Never ask your three-year old brother to hold a tomato.
  
  
• You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
  
  
• Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
  
  
• Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
  
  
• You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
  
  
• Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
  
  
• The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

Great Truths That Adults Have Learned

• Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
• Wrinkles don't hurt.
  
  
• Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
  
  
• Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
  
  
• Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
  
  
• Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

Great Truths About Growing Old

• Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
  
  
• Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
  
  
• When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
  
  
• You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
  
  
• It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
  
  
• Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
  
  
• Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

The Four Stages of Life

• You believe in Santa Claus.
• You don't believe in Santa Claus.
• You are Santa Claus.
• You look like Santa Claus.

Success

• At age 4 success is...not peeing in your pants.
  
  
• At age 12 success is...having friends.
  
  
• At age 16 success is...having a drivers license.
  
  
• At age 35 success is...having money.
  
  
• At age 50 success is...having money.
  
  
• At age 70 success is...having a drivers license.
  
  
• At age 75 success is...having friends.
  
  
• At age 80 success is...not peeing in your pants.

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