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His and Hers Retirement Dreams

Even in retirement, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. 

How many men and women truly know the retirement fantasies or fears inside their partners’ heads? 

How do you picture your future and how do you think your ideas line up with your partner’s hopes and dreams? 

Are you single?  What’s coming for you?

Does society have an obsession with postponed leisure (retirement)?

Have we all bought into the idea that if we work our fingers to the bone for 40+ years, we will be entitled to a few years of earthly paradise?

On TV, “Seniors heaven on earth”  is depicted as satisfied grey haired folks trout fishing, pruning rose bushes, bouncing grandchildren on their knee and then flying off to unpronounceable destinations with unending supplies of cash being siphoned from hefty retirement accounts.

What Happens When All the Novelty Wears Off?
What happens when all the novelty begins to wear off and you can’t bring yourself to face another fish, rose bush or bowling ball?

What then?  Do you take up new “productive” routines like waxing the car, repairing the front porch or sewing for every child in your circle of acquaintances?  Try a jigsaw puzzle all day and see how long it takes for the “joy of leisure” to become the “reality of boredom.”

Hurry up and retire.  These are the feelings that many men face.  Their mortality clock starts ticking earlier than a woman’s.  They work like crazy to put a plan in place that may leave them “dangling” the day they walk away from their job.  They haven’t “practiced” for retirement.

For Married Couples, Retirement Can Present a New Challenge
All of a sudden you are spending all of your time together and this feels weird!  For decades you’ve had separate agendas and routines and now you must assimilate one another into your daily activities. 

“He’s always under my feet”

or

“She needs to know exactly where I’m going and to the minute when I’ll be back.” 

Sound familiar?  You used to have personal space during the day and now it seems like you’re getting in each other’s hair.
Determine to spend time apart.  Involve yourself in activities that take you away from the house a few hours a week.  Let your retirement partner breathe. 

What Do Men Want?
Many men don’t know…they aren’t really prepared.  Surveyors have asked men what their ideal retirement might be and received some of the following responses:

• “Let me travel…I can’t wait to get out on the road.”
• “I’d like to start an interesting small business.” (This is retirement?)
• “Now it’s time to spend some quality time with my wife…I've spent so many hours at work.” (He gets a prize.)
• “I want to be involved in a sport or hobby that has a club attached to it.” “Sounds like ‘hangin out with the boys.’)

What Do Women Want?
Are they more predictable?  Surveyors heard the following:

• “I’d like a recreation home where my family can come visit.”
• “Don’t expect me to move too far from my friends.”
• “Let’s do some travelling…not flogging the old station wagon for 500 miles a day.”
• “I want to be able to relax more and be able to change my plans more easily” (a woman’s right).

Guess What…. There Is No Typical Retirement
Some Seniors are busier now than they were when they were “working” and they say they’ve found the transition to retirement to be very positive.  They spend most of their free time volunteering or taking care of their families. 

Those who become active volunteers actually reported feeling an increased sense of importance and responsibility after retiring. 

All claimed a sense of pride in what they did.

So whether you are a man or a woman, single or married, your retirement can be a dream come true but be prepared to be flexible BECAUSE...

“Life is what happens after you’ve made all your plans.”

Article © Allen Unrau, used with permission

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Allen Unrau writes a weekly column relating to "reallife" seniors issues in Abbotsford BC. He is actively involved as a volunteer with numerous seniors' organizations in the Fraser Valley. He is a grandfather of eight and works as a licensed realtor specializing in seniors Real Estate...helping seniors and their families with the purchase or sale of homes in the Fraser Valley.