Clarence and the Cancer Cage

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Clarence and the Cancer Cage

by Allen Unrau

cancer “You have cancer.”

Dr. Marshall quickly went on to describe the treatment program.... Clarence only heard the diagnosis.

The day he feared since his mother’s death had finally arrived.

The predator that stalked him mentally now claimed its victim physically.

It was real.

This was the day he officially became a cancer patient.

All those cancer thoughts he kept below the surface now erupted like a geyser in his mind.

“Face your mortality Clarence – you knew this was coming someday.”

For a split second he was angry.

“Am I being punished for something?”

First Things First
Quickly his planning nature took over. “Who should I tell first? Is my life insurance up to date? How long do I actually have to get my affairs in order?”

Then the second guessing and if only stages kicked in. “Should I get another opinion? Why didn’t I get a full body scan? I could afford it – maybe they would have caught it
sooner....”

Confusion, anxiety and then a calmnesstook over. For some strange reason he thought back to those summer evenings when all the kids on the block would play “kick the can” until dark. That was the rule: home when the street lights came on.

Clarence would always report to his front door and plead for 15 minutes more play time. Usually his mother would bend the rules and grant his request. As he walked to his car in the hospital parking lot, he asked God for more time.

Now he needed to announce the bad news. Who should know first and how would he say it? The telling stage offered a few surprises.

His sister Peggy recoiled from his revelation of cancer. From that moment she wore emotional armour as if protecting herself from anthrax. Obviously his announcement forced her to face her own mortality. “I wonder how long he’s got?”

“Where are you off to this morning Mr. Evans?” asked the ticket agent at the airport check-out counter.

“Just going for my first cancer treatment,” replied Clarence. To his astonishment she stepped from behind the counter and hugged him.

“My Dad is in the middle of radiation treatment right now.” A total stranger – totally comfortable with acknowledging his cancer.

Certain friends came up with time-worn sympathy sayings. To be fair to them, they were caught off guard by the news. Some folks tripped all over their good intentions and blurted out unwelcome comments like, “You’re going to a better place” or “You’ve had many good years so far – you’ve lived a good life.”

Invisible Friend
Once someone knew about his cancer they either drew closer to Clarence or became experts at avoidance. One day he encountered an invisible friend at the supermarket. It was almost humorous to watch a guy he used to work with attempt to disappear in the produce aisle. Alex Naismith started a conversation with a total stranger at the banana bin to avoid a conversation with him.

Clarence didn’t blame him or take the apparent affront personally. His doctor had prepared him for situations like this. Some folks are so terrified of saying something inappropriate that they would rather avoid you completely.

Cancer labels its victims. Clarence had never felt as categorized as he did now - the guy with the life-threatening disease. The way people talked to him had changed. He was different now. Was there a “C” on his forehead?

Being singled out reminded him of certain chickens at his Uncle Arnold’s farm when he was a child. Their yard was always full of hens and roosters – hundreds of them clucked and crowed their greeting to the city cousins arriving for their summer break.

Visitors fed the flock...that was the deal. Uncle would dole out the buckets and Clarence would dip into the dusty feed bin to do his guest chores before dinner. A mass of Rhode Island Reds bumping and jostling around him, frantic for their nourishment. Then it was over – they were satisfied. As he walked back to the house he would see two or three plump hens imprisoned in wire mesh beside the machine shed. They looked the same as the rest of the flock...why were they there?

Dinner. They had been singled out. No apparent reason. They were just handy when Uncle Arnold opened the barn doors that day. Aunt Sophie was planning a big meal and they were necessary. They hadn’t been part of the usual mad scramble for grain that day. They were prisoners awaiting their fate. Clarence felt compassion for the captives.

He had a secret desire to unlatch the cage door and return them to the flock. Uncle Arnold would never recognize them back in the crowd and they would have a chance to live. As a gesture of good will he would secretly slip a handful of chicken feed into their cage as he passed by.

Cancer is like that. It singles you out for no apparent reason. Suddenly you are different.

Pretend you are a friend, relative or coworker of Clarence Evans. What do you say, how do you act; what is the etiquette around dreadful diseases?

Cancer support groups offer the following suggestions:

Talk about it with them. There is no perfect script for you to follow word for word that will automatically make the cancer victim feel better. The key is to acknowledge the cancer and speak about their thoughts, feelings and fears. Talking openly with someone you care about is a healthy way to deal with bad news. Don’t avoid the “C” word in front of them; pretending it doesn’t exist is not helpful.
Touch them. If you haven’t lived with cancer you may be uncomfortable touching someone diagnosed with the disease. They may look exactly the same as before you knew but you may not want to hug them tightly, hold their hand or kiss them. Even your handshake may not be as enthusiastic as it was pre-cancer. Don’t shrink back - they are not lepers. Touch is comforting and reassuring. Your physical closeness is important. A gentle touch can express much if you want to communicate...without words.
Include them. Keep them active in “normal” activities. Don’t make them feel that when you are together it is only because of them or the meeting is a special event. They have interests they want to continue sharing. (Life goes on.) Involve them as always...they’ll tell you if it’s not convenient.

Clarence went in for surgery at Meadowlands Hospital. When the anesthetic wore off he asked for his doctor. “Tell me the truth Doc...what did you find?”

“We got it all.”

With those words, Dr. Marshall reached down and unlatched the chicken wire gate of the cancer cage. He released Clarence back to the flock.

Never was a man happier to disappear into the throng of the healthy...God had decided to give him more time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Allen Unrau writes a weekly column relating to "reallife" seniors issues in Abbotsford BC. He is actively involved as a volunteer with numerous seniors' organizations in the Fraser Valley. He is a grandfather of eight and works as a licensed realtor specializing in seniors Real Estate...helping seniors and their families with the purchase or sale of homes in the Fraser Valley.

If you are listing your property for sale in the Fraser Valley, or to request further information, please call Allen at 1-604-855-0800 or toll free at 1-866-855-0800.

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