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Don’t Complain They are too Busy For You.

Harold is seventy-three and lives alone.  Six months ago he made a big transition from the family home to a two-bedroom apartment.  It was amazing how many folks were there to help with the packing and the move.  His oldest son Bruce even took time off work to oversee the whole affair.

Quite frankly, Harold is a bit bored in his new home.  He says there is nothing to do around there.  The strata takes care of all the yard work and the fix-ups so what’s he supposed to do with the extra time?  Sit and watch TV all day?  Not likely.  That’s not his style.

He meets a few fellows for coffee two or three morning a week and he quite enjoys the socializing.  They get talking about things and one topic always seems to come up: “My family doesn’t have time for me anymore!”

Gus says he hasn’t heard from any of his children for two months.  Alf complains that he calls to meet his daughter for lunch but she always has a meeting to get ready for or a client to see at noon.  Ed feels that his sons phone him because they need something.  They always ask how he is doing but he knows there is probably another reason for their call.

In his lonely moments, Harold feels somewhat abandoned.  It seems like the world has sped up so much that he is losing his family to some degree.

When Alice was alive she used to cook those fabulous chicken dinners and their whole family would be there for the evening.  As he looks back, he realizes that those were some of the most precious times of his life.

When he gets in the mood for chicken dinner he’ll call Bruce to see if their family would like to meet him at the restaurant that night.  He usually ends up ordering a bucket of chicken and eating alone because his daughter-in-law Debbie already had plans. She is so very, very busy with all her grandchildren and the volunteering she does!

Do these scenarios sound familiar to you?  Do you find yourself complaining all the time that your family is too busy to spend a bit of time with you?  Do you need help with things and it always feels like you are bother them when you ask for assistance?

Guess What?  They probably don’t have as much time for you.… The pace of life today has changed so much that they are probably just trying to keep everything together.  They are working hard like you used to do.  They are facing challenges with their children, grandchildren and their jobs.  They are paying off mortgages. They are struggling to spend some quality time with their spouse as well.

Here's a solution for you - it works in business and it will work with your family...guaranteed:

• Schedule your time with them in advance.  Don’t just spring things on them and then complain that they have not time for you.  Take the initiative to make plans several days or weeks ahead. Don’t expect them to drop everything to meet you or do an errand for you that day.  Don’t try and make them feel guilty if they can’t fit into your immediate plans! Let them mark your “get-togethers” on their calendars at their convenience.  Give them options and choices.  You have more time than they do right now.  Tell them you understand how busy they are.  You will be amazed at how much quality time they can find for you if you give them some lead time!

Mark up your calendar ahead of time.  Then print it 12 months in advance for them…

© Allen Unrau

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Allen Unrau writes a weekly column relating to "reallife" seniors issues in Abbotsford BC. He is actively involved as a volunteer with numerous seniors' organizations in the Fraser Valley. He is a grandfather of eight and works as a licensed realtor specializing in seniors Real Estate...helping seniors and their families with the purchase or sale of homes in the Fraser Valley.

If you are listing your property for sale in the Fraser Valley, or to request further information, please call Allen at 1-604-855-0800 or toll free at 1-866-855-0800.