Your Money: Powerful Weapon or Loving Reward?

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Your Money: Powerful Weapon or Loving Reward?

by Allen Unrau

What is Your Financial Nature?
Are you painstakingly careful with your money or are you known to live beyond your means and spend it as soon as you get it? Would they call you a cheapskate or overly generous?

Maybe you don’t realize it, but the money you control has the power to affect several generations in a positive or negative way. Where should you put your money?

Everyone in your family will have a different opinion about where it should be and how it should be used. Some will think about how it can be “invested” while others will think about how it can “help” right now. Some family members will tell you to spend it on yourself while you are still healthy and able to enjoy it. You have probably seen the bumper stickers on some of the big motorhomes: “We’re Spending our Kids Inheritance.” Others will caution you to keep as much as you can, as secure as you can…you never know what’s up ahead!

Does Keeping a 'Nest Egg' Make You Greedy?
Does your family think you are greedy because you are keeping a nest egg? What do you need it for anyway? They’ve promised to look after you haven’t they? Should you feel guilty about having it? They could use it right now to pay off mortgages and help kids with higher education to ensure their futures. Are you being selfish or wise?

You and your mate may have disagreements over money as you age. They may consider your bank account a reward for a lifetime of hard work and careful planning. They may feel it’s time to loosen the purse strings and spend some on leisure, travel or gifts for the kids. You may have a strong desire to keep it in the bank for security. They say, “You can’t take it with you.” What do you do?

Your bank statement may be like a monthly “award certificate” that you’ve done a good job in life! Take that away and you might feel worthless. We all need to feel valuable and sometimes our net worth becomes the measuring stick.
Is your cheque book your last bit of independence? Is it the major thing that still allows you to make your own decisions and have some control over your future?

Control and Manipulation
Money can be used to help and strengthen your family but it can also be used to manipulate and control. Money takes on the importance of what we value in our lives. Society is changing so rapidly and you may feel left out of the loop as you watch the busy lives of your children and their families. You may be tempted to use your money to buy their attention. It may be a tool to grab some of their time away from their “whirlwind” schedules.

Maybe you give money as “guilt relief.” You worked so hard when your children were growing up that you had not time for them. Financial gifts now may be your attempt at compensation. Sad as it may sound, some of you may use money to control your families. It may be the last weapon you have:

“If you don’t follow my instructions I’ll write you out of my will.”
“You can forget about the loan you’ve asked for unless you do as I say.”

Does it kind of remind you of the control you had with “clean up your room or no TV?”

Here’s the Positive Side
Your money can be a symbol of security for your family. It should be a cushion and safety net for all of you. Ask questions and decide together as a family how you will use it. It can be a means of expressing love and caring. With some careful thought and planning you will find the balance to use it as a tool of reward for everyone rather than a weapon of manipulation.

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Allen Unrau writes a weekly column relating to "reallife" seniors issues in Abbotsford BC. He is actively involved as a volunteer with numerous seniors' organizations in the Fraser Valley. He is a grandfather of eight and works as a licensed realtor specializing in seniors Real Estate...helping seniors and their families with the purchase or sale of homes in the Fraser Valley.

If you are listing your property for sale in the Fraser Valley, or to request further information, please call Allen at 1-604-855-0800 or toll free at 1-866-855-0800.

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