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Lonely Widow

I became widowed this year and I am raising three teenager sons. I have moved to another city and am so lonely. Can you help?

Thanks so much for asking us to help with your situation. You have been through a lot of grief and stress in a short amount of time. Grieving the loss of a spouse is hard. Raising teenagers is hard. Moving to a new city is hard. Both you and your teens need to find support groups to work through your issues of loss.

Find ways to appreciate your sons. Do fun things together - even if its goin' fishin'. Your sons will probably need some help getting through the death of their father. You might want to check at a local church or teen centre to see if there are any youth counsellors who might be able to play a little basketball, take a walk, and/or talk with them. My father died when I was seven, and what I remember the most is that no one talked to me about what it meant for a kid to lose a parent. Counselling of some kind would have made a difference.

There will be emptiness and loss in your heart for many more months; acknowledge it, but don't focus on it. When my grandfather died, grandma(61) was told by her doctor that she would be dead within two years if she didn't get out and get involved somewhere. She eventually joined a Senior Citizens kitchen band and ended up on Ted Mack Amateur Hour.

There is a verse in the Psalms that says that God puts the lonely in families (Psalm 68:5-6a). He has given you a family of boys. Acknowledge them, spend time with them, but also go out and make new friends as you feel able. Healing is a process. You have begun - continue your efforts.

~Dr. Ginger Gabriel, Ph.D., M.F.T., is an author and speaker as well as a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. With Master of Arts degrees in counseling and missions and a Ph.D. in psychology, she has traveled to Asia, the Middle East and throughout North American giving her four-to fifteen-hour relationship and counseling skill-building seminars.

Her favorite pastimes are kayaking, quilting, hiking and reading novels. She is married to Dr. Stan Gabriel. They have three children and three grandchildren.

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