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Trouble With Teenagers

I am having trouble with my 17 year old son. He allowed one of his unlicenced friends to drive his car and the car was wrecked. I am in the process of repairing the car. I have told my son that he will not get his car back until I see some signs of maturity - paying for his own car insurance and maintaining his grades, for example. He has had a chip on his shoulder ever since. What can I do?

Say, to your son "I would love to have you drive as soon as I have the reimbursement for the deductible in my account." 'Signs of maturity' is too vague a term. Let him know exactly what he has to do to get his privileges back. Go online and order Hormones and Wheels by Jim Fay at www.amazon.com It's a tape from Love & Logic Institute. Quit telling him what he needs to do, and only tell him what you are going to do.

I wouldn't repair the car. He wants to be independent, let him figure out how he will get where he needs to be. Let him experience the real world. It is easier for him to do this now than when he's 24. Let him figure out his life. Do not give him money for stuff. Make sure your money is in a safe place. If you allowed an unlicenced person to drive your car, the car would be impounded. You would have to pay to get it out. That is the real world. Get the tape. You will love it as much as I do. Parenting will be fun again. Dr. Ginger

~Dr. Ginger Gabriel, Ph.D., M.F.T., is an author and speaker as well as a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. With Master of Arts degrees in counseling and missions and a Ph.D. in psychology, she has traveled to Asia, the Middle East and throughout North American giving her four-to fifteen-hour relationship and counseling skill-building seminars.

Her favorite pastimes are kayaking, quilting, hiking and reading novels. She is married to Dr. Stan Gabriel. They have three children and three grandchildren.

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